It's amazing how clearly God speaks...if you are listening.

Sometimes I think that he choses to be silent, so that I will draw near.

Other times, He speaks so audibly that it startles me, and I look around the room, wondering if anyone else heard.

For those that aren't familiar with Judaism...this month, there is celebration that takes place called Purim. It is interesting how well this celebration and the story of Purim fits into the words that God spoke so clearly to me this week... i shall elaborate

.::::Purim (Hebrew: Prm "Lots", from Akkadian puru) is a joyous Jewish holiday that commemorates the deliverance of Persian Jews from the plot of the evil Haman to exterminate them, as recorded in the biblical Book of Esther. It is characterized by public recitation of the Book of Esther, giving mutual gifts of food and drink, giving charity to the poor, and a celebratory meal (Esther 9:22); other customs include drinking alcohol, wearing of masks and costumes, and public celebration.::::::

My story begins last week. Wednesday. 9pm. Row B, seat 13.

As soon as I leave the ground and ascend into the atmosphere, I hear more clearly.

For almost a month now, I have been battling my fears of inadequacy and doubting the validity and probability of my own dreams and desires. I mean, lets face it...I want a lot of things in life. I have grand aspiration, so grand that I'm almost embarassed to talk about them for fear of being laughed at. Most of what I want in life seems near impossible. i want to teach and write and travel. i want a platform and exposure. I want to be able to give millions to feed the poor, to build orphanages, patron artist whom I believe in, and aid in the fight against child prostitution. I want to write award winning books, have an art collection ranging from Pollock to Picasso to Vermir, and own a home in each of my favorite cities around the world. I want my book to be made into a beautiful film. I want to marry a man, an artist, a creator, who dreams like I do, and who believes in something bigger than himself. I want to love him and him love me, until the day we die. I want to be a mum; be apart of raising up children who have poteinal beyond what I could have ever imagined and who just love Jesus...I want to see the Kingdom of God come to earth...

Even as I write all of this, I can't help but laugh under my breath...at myself. It does seem excessive. Impossible. Flighty, even. And this is when God speaks to me.

In 13B I hear him.

"Esther" he says.

Ok. A one word answer. God can be so simple sometimes.

So I turn to Esther...and as I flip through the pages, immersed in her story, I begin to understand what He means. She was an ordinary jewish girl, in a village. She was beautiful...but that isn't what made her great. She was courageous and obedient. She was chosen as a wife of the King, and because she had favor...she was offered the world. "Whatever you want is yours". She was literally given a Kingdom...and at the risk of losing it all, stood up against injustice for her people. The Jews. She not only recieved what she wanted (freedom for her people)...but was given more than she could have imagined. And as I read her story, the words spoken to her by Mordacai ring through my ears....

"You were born for such a time as this..."

I've always been taught that nothing is impossible with God. But how much do I really believe that? Do I really believe that God can use me to create a wave in history?

I suppose I believe to an extent...but I wouldn't mind being suprised.

I write this not only to encourage myself...but also in hopes that you will be awakened to the reality of Life and how big God is. I literally feel as if my mind is being stretched in every direction, and every time I think "this is all there is"...God pulls me a little more and goes, "HA, look at this! Look at how BIG I am. Betcha never thought THIS could happen."

And I laugh. Not at myself, but more in amazement. And I think..."yea God, I get it. I believe you."

So it has become my mantra. And, If I chose to obey and be courageous...to stand for what I believe and to carry myself with dignity, grace and character...there is nothing that I cannot do.

{I really was born for such a time as this}