2015s
JDW
Josh and I met in person a few weeks after my eighteenth birthday. It was over B grade Italian food in Boardbeach and the iPhone had just been released and seemed to get more of Josh’s attention than the $210 Sass and Bide top I had bought for the occasion.
I had first connected with Josh through his Facebook fan page, which I messaged after I realised that he had resigned from the radio station that I listened to on my drive to work. I wanted to encourage him, and I wanted him to know that someone noticed he was gone. It was the most innocent email i’ve ever sent, and to be honest, I never really wanted to hear back.
Fast forward five years, after half a decade of pure friends zone, world travel, ex boyfriends and countless postcards- Josh asked me to hang out with him forever. It was Friday 13th January, exactly 6 weeks from the night Josh told me he had been in love with me since that first crappy dinner. He didn’t have a ring, heck, he didn’t even have a plan- but all I was obsessed with him and in my bones it felt right.
It was clear that we couldn’t be more different- He was chaotic and went with the flow, I was/am an organised stress head. We came from different families and backgrounds that were worlds apart- but I knew this was it. I remember looking at him and thinking that he had such a good heart. That he treated the homeless man the same as he treated the CEO- he was someone you couldn’t help but want to be around. As he was kneeling down on the beach in Cairns blabbering on about how much I meant to him- all I remember thinking was- “One thing that will never change, he’ll always be this amazing person. I just want to be a part of his life.”
Almost three years on, and I still think the same thing..
LAD
There’s a whole ‘nother conversation going on In a parallel universe. Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.
There’s a waltz playin’ frozen in time Blades of grass on tiny bare feet I look at you and you’re lookin' at me Could you beam me up, Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face Beam me up, Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter, I think a minute’s enough, Just beam me up. In my head I see your baby blues I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there’s One of me, with you So when I need you can I send you a sign I’ll burn a candle and turn off the lights I’ll pick a star and watch you shine
Breaking up with negative friends is hard, but ultimately freeing. As I sit on a bench drinking my cold brewed coffee on Elizabeth Street in NYC- I got to thinking about the past few months. I made an effort to keep my heart in neutral and take things as they come- and in doing so, some beautiful souls have come my way- and some have floated away!
This is the awkward flip-side of choosing friends; you have to distance yourself from the people you don’t want in your life. I don’t like to hurt feelings. For years I felt obligated to people who wanted to be my friend, even if they were really negative, needy, and not the kind of person I wanted to be around. You don’t need to be rude, but you also don’t have to exchange numbers with someone you didn’t hit it off with, or set up a second hang. If it’s not beautiful, get it out of your life!
If my legs were longer They might carry us further But we waited too long And so the task just gets harder And the thoughts that come in They come on stronger and stronger And it takes all of me To just stay out of the water