Today has been one of those days where everything from the last few weeks has seem to have caught up. Today is that somber day where I sit back and wonder what the heck am I doing here? Like a hamster in a wheel I feel like I continue to walk around and around in circles and the only way I know Ive walked this territory before is that I see the notes, from myself, promising that I would never again be here. But somehow I am.
I don’t know if its a mixture of exhaustion and lack of time but today I woke up, looked at my reflection in the mirror and felt like I have lost all direction, not vision for those without vision perish, but I guess in many ways I thought my life would look different than it does.
Do you ever feel like we are always waiting for something. treading water until he notices you. Killing time until the wedding. Waiting to buy a house or have a baby. Just waiting waiting waiting????
I need Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 to hit my stubborn, over thinking, slightly obsessive compulsive head, as I remember once more that there is a time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
And then I think I need to sleep, rest and know that He is God..
If you slept under a roof last night.
How amazing are these roses. They were delivered to my work before I started and although it took me awhile to figure out exactly who sent them, I couldn’t remove the big dorky smile off my face all day long! My friends in relationships were upset that their sadly single friend received more on this blessed day!
My faith in love has officially been restored!
So, today I lost the bride bug.. thank heavens, this couldn’t have come sooner. No more place cards, wedding dresses, bridal shoes or wedding band engraving. No more imagining. Done. Over, so over I need a new word for over!
I have an interesting coffee date with a lovely friend who I went to school with. In between her failed attempts to play match-maker we gossiped, laughed and remembered the times when the most important thing was passing maths B or the next episode of the OC. Things have changed since school and although I hate to say this, I miss days gone by. That innocent time before we grew up and realised how our actions carried consequences that appear in the form of baggage.
That lovely time when notes carried words like “Do you like me?…Tick Yes. No. Maybe” rather than weird text messages. I miss the time where boys and girls could simply be friends and the words of rejection from someone who I wasn’t even romantically interested in didn’t sting so hard.
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though
you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that
your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold…” (I
Peter 1:6-7, NLT).
God is good. He is faithful. His love endures forever, nothing else matters.
You will find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.
Jerimiah. chapter 29 verse 13
Today I heard some insane stories about family units, in particular stories about fathers. My mind wanted to explode and my heart cry as I listened to these stories about gambling, alcohol and affairs. It made me see just how good I have it and just what an amazing Dad I have.
This is my Dad. He doesn’t drink to much, smoke at all or bed hop. He has been crazy in love with my Mum for 20 years and is always home from work at 6pm. This man has battled cancer, bad facial hair and flares. He is strong and courageous and the first person I go to for advice.. When I go to him with guy questions his typical answer is
‘Britt, man aren’t that complicated…I love you, but you over think… build a bridge” or “He has your number, if he wants you, he’ll call”
He taught me money and how to be wise with it. He invests my money and makes sure that I don’t spend the profits. He thinks of the future.
He has taught me the principles of a good marriage. He delights in my mum!
He says on a daily basis that the reason Im not married is because God has to work extra hard on my husband instilling EXTRA patience!
His cuddles and consistency still make me feel 4years old.
This man opens doors, changes my tyres (in his work suit!!), takes me to lunch, throws aways my trashy magazines, explains things slowly…. loves me through thick and thin. Walks through life with me, accepting my choices, picking up broken pieces and championing me forward!
for without this man, i wouldn’t be the same…